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Outside

by Jeff Litman

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1.
It started innocent. to take what I could get. to borrow what I spent. to get my mind all wet. Down the boulevard just to see your face. To have your smile erase my jealousy. I go running back over and over, over and over, over and over. Hide from circumstance over and over, over and over till I start it up again. How predictable. I barely recognized my impulse to confide colliding with my pride. So impossible. I get what I deserve, just waiting to be served my destiny. I go running back over and over, over and over, over and over. Hide from circumstance over and over, over and over till I start it up again. Oh, this is better than life. Something you can hold on to, let it wash right through you. But the very next day everything’s the same...everything's the same. I go running back over and over, over and over, over and over. Hide from circumstance over and over, over and over ‘till I start it up again.
2.
Runaway 03:54
I wasn't everything you hoped. A disappointing joke that you can laugh at with your friends. Maybe I was drunk all night. It doesn't mean I don't know what is wrong and what is right. Just think it through. If something better's coming to you well, alright. Maybe I'm a vagabond. Call me anything you want as you run away. I won't fight if you want to turn around, throw my love onto the ground. I can't make you stay. Was it really all that bad? You forget every single little smile you ever had. I wasn't everything to you, but really how much better do ya think your gonna do? You make the call. Is your unhappiness my fault. Well, alright. Maybe I'm a vagabond. Call me anything you want as you run away. I won't fight if you want to turn around, throw my love onto the ground. I can't make you stay. I won't take you for a ride on the wheel that spins around and round and never lets you off. I won't fight you tooth and nail. If you want to go I will not hold you down. But make up your mind, 'cause I'm not sticking 'round. Well, alright. Maybe I'm a vagabond. Call me anything you want as you run away. I won't fight if you want to turn around, throw my love onto the ground. I can't make you stay.
3.
Outside 02:49
Outside your window at night I can hide in the light from your kitchen. Alone, I know it's not right but I have to see what I've been missing. You make you dinner and sit around the table that used to be mine. And I just want to find some way to hold ya, and I would follow you down to the hills of Arizona. I'd trample your flowers, and I'd watch you for hours, but I'm still here alone outside. You smile at your rich handsome husband, adorable children are laughing. I try to pry my eyes from the scene and this domestic dream you are living. You do the dishes, and snuggle on the couch that used to be mine. And I just want to find some way to hold ya, and I would follow you down to the hills of Arizona. I'd trample your flowers, and I'd watch you for hours, but I'm still here alone outside. I tried to put you down but I can't get you out of my mind. If I'm caught outside your house I could do some real time. Now, the dawn is breaking and I'm here shaking while you are safe and warm inside your bed. And, I'm not there. And I just want to find some way to hold ya, and I would follow you under the snow of Manitoba. I'd trample your flowers, and I'd watch you for hours, but I'm still here alone outside.
4.
Daylight starts to chase away the night. And I know that we might not have much time. Let’s jump in the van with nothing much to do and see what we can find. The sticky summer evening is alive. The cold suburban silence feels alright. Disappearing tail lights light our path but we won’t follow them tonight. When you turn your eyes on me, there’s nowhere else I wanna be. And, If we can put it off another day, baby, you can chase my suffering away. ‘Cause for now, I’m just a hungry silhouette, not quite ready for what hasn’t happened yet. We’re leaving the reformers in the church. And all our closest friends are in the lurch. We’ve over-stayed our welcome, but to hell with them their piety’s absurd. When I put my hands upon your face, our little lives don’t mean a thing. And, if we can put it off another day, baby, you can chase my suffering away. ‘Cause for now, I’m just a hungry silhouette, not quite ready for what hasn’t happened yet. I know we’re running out of luck. Won’t be long now before we’re stuck. We both know what we gotta do. Will it be me? Maybe you? When you turn your sleepy eyes on me, there’s no one else I wanna be. And, if we can put it off another day, baby, you can chase my suffering away. ‘Cause for now, I’m just a hungry silhouette, not quite ready for what hasn’t happened yet.
5.
I don’t know what I’m doing with your life. My gaze is low, right beneath your sugarplum eyes. I’m on the take, but I try to say what I mean. I’m a mistake, but at least you’ll get away clean from the scene. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m right. Maybe it’s just this moonlit night. Has me running ‘round in circles with your head. Chasing my dreams or chasing my tail. Will make no difference if I fail, and I drive another nail into your heart. Whisper true, but don’t tell me how you feel. What can I do to resist the urge to steal? Say you can take it. Yeah, you won’t break when I let you down. I know you’re troubled. I got my own troubles, and I won’t pick you up from the ground. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m right. Maybe it’s just this moonlit night. Has me running ‘round in circles with your head. Chasing my dreams or chasing my tail. Will make no difference if I fail, and I drive another nail into your heart. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m right. Maybe it’s just this moonlit night. Has me running ‘round in circles with your head. Chasing my dreams or chasing my tail. Will make no difference if I fail, and I drive another nail into your heart.
6.
Sitting with you. You're voice is drowned out by the deadlocked door. Trying to get through to me with your blubbering. How do I know if this is any different than before? How do I tell you I'm not listening? I just want to run along, but my legs are not that long. And I hear your blah, blah, blah through my stare. But I don't want to talk about it. No, I don't want to talk about it. Everyone says you've got to make me open up and get me to tell you what I'm feeling. Tying again your shrink is on your case about it. Everyone tells you what I'm needing. I just want to run along, but my legs are not that long. And I hear your blah, blah, blah through my stare. But I don't want to talk about it. No, I don't want to talk about it. No, I don't want to talk about it. oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh. Sure, I might bleed but you're the last one that I need. I don't really care what will become of me. I'm not easily amused so please don't light my fuse. Just let me keep pretending I'm ok. Cause I don't want to talk about it. No, I don't want to talk about it. No, I don't want to talk about it. oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh.
7.
It never mattered at all if it don't come easy. I never could get it down if it don't taste sweet. You came out of the blue and it makes me feel queasy. Taking chances has never been one of my things. When you touch me beware ‘cause I cut like a razor. And when you're not even there I can sense that there's danger. But I feel alive for the first time in my life. Gonna take a chance with the girl down I95. Trading passion for safety has treated me all right. I mend my bruises alone and it ain't that bad. It is always been easy to run from the first fight, and hope that it don't run me down again. When you touch me beware ‘cause I cut like a razor. And when you're not even there I can sense that there's danger. But I feel alive for the first time in my life. Gonna take a chance with the girl down I95. I don't know how it's all gonna end but that's fine. Something about you pulls my feet to the fire. It never mattered at all if it don't come easy. I never could get it down if it don't taste sweet. So, when you touch me beware ‘cause I cut like a razor. And when you're not even there I can sense that there's danger. But I feel alive for the first time in my life. Yeah, I feel alive for the first time in my life. Gonna go for a drive, the mid-Atlantic in my sights. Gonna take a chance with the girl down I95.
8.
Back to You 03:53
Over it. It's easy to say I am over it. Keep one small measure of self-respect. But, I'm standing here in place. There's no suspense. I've taken my time and I've built a fence. But, the gate's overgrown and it's evident that I won't go out today. 'Cause I am standing in wet cement. A child stumbling to an accident, afraid to make my move. It's true. ‘Cause the step I take might lead me back to you. Now and then, sit down with paper and a pen. But the same words come out it's you again, and I cannot move my legs. 'Cause I am standing in wet cement. A child stumbling to an accident, afraid to make my move. It's true. ‘Cause the step I take might lead me back to you. I fight like hell, try to deny, to break your spell or close my eyes, but every step I take just leads me back. Go back inside and bolt the door, don't want to see you anymore. 'Cause I am over it. It's easy to say that I'm over it. 'Cause I am standing in wet cement. A child stumbling to an accident, afraid to make my move. It's true. ‘Cause the step I take might lead me back to you.
9.
I've been dating myself. I'm up to my neck in ceremony. I've been searching myself, but I don't know how to look into my eyes. What will I find? with the curtains drawn and no light left inside. I've been taking my time, hoping to find a line. But there's no more time. I will break out of this place. I will give myself a taste. I'll climb back on this self-destructive track. I will rise up from my tomb. And I’ll undress every wound. I'll take the chance that you might send me back, please don't do that. I've been fooling myself. I could close the door and you won't find me. I constructed my cell. I let no one in and no one could get out. What's it about? Maybe it is time to let the daylight in. I denied myself. Tried to stay safe and warm. But I can't be alone anymore. I will break out of this place. I will give myself a taste. I'll climb back on this self-destructive track. I will rise up from my tomb. And I’ll undress every wound. I'll take the chance that you might send me back, please don't do that. I remember the day she left, swore I'd never let another do me like that. Maybe I’ve lost my mind, but I think I'll take my chance with you. I will break out of this place. I will give myself a taste. I'll climb back on this self-destructive track. I will rise up from my tomb. And I’ll undress every wound. I'll take the chance that you might send me back, please don't do that.
10.
Just a little bit, enough to ignite all my daydreams. Everybody's got something they're trying to hide. It was over quick and we can both agree it's a bad scene. I woke up and you were already saying goodbye. I lost my inhibitions. And you lost your skirt, sweet darlin’. And we rolled in the dirt ‘till someone got hurt. We were dangling our feet just to see what it feels like. Taking chances and pushing it up to the line. Reckless abandon and we know damn well that it's not right. Now I can't get what we did out of my mind. You lost your inhibitions. And, I found my nerve, sweet darlin’. And we rolled in the dirt ‘till someone got hurt. I'd like to say “what's the difference? nobody has to know” until the day I crack and let it show. You lost your inhibitions. And, I found my nerve, sweet darlin’. So let’s roll in the dirt ‘till someone gets hurt.
11.
Born with too much fire, an excess of desire. Tell me what I need to do. I'll do anything you ask me to. Tell me to lose my mind to have something to say. Stuck in a downward spiral at the end of the day. I'm just a little older, getting tired of chasing just another dream. Button pushing every day. Numb my mind and hide my face. There's no secret, no reward. Just another day of feeling bored. Tell me to lose my mind to have something to say. Stuck in a downward spiral at the end of the day. I'm just a little older, getting tired of chasing just another dream. Just another dream... Full of big plans but I hesitate it don't take much but it's getting late and I am running out of time. Tell me to lose my mind to have something to say. Get stuck in a downward spiral at the end of the day. I'm just a little older, getting just a little older. Tell me to lose my mind, steal the scene. Stuck in a downward spiral, do something obscene. I'm just a little older, getting tired of chasing just another dream.
12.
You finally made it. You didn't have to take the long way. Driving in and out of all the little towns. At least you coud have phoned. I never made it home. I'm sitting here alone, and I'm not coming out. Time heals nothing. Time heals nothing. It ain't the being alone. I've been alone most of my life. and I kind of like the walls as they close in, and hide away my sins. I'm stumbling again. But I don't mind if no one's there to see me. Time heals nothing. Time heals nothing. I keep chasing off regret. It's an uphill climb, I guess, but I'll settle for some peace. Every once in a while I could fake a smile. Will you be relieved? Time heals nothing. Time heals nothing. You finally made it. You didn't have to take the long way.

credits

released January 25, 2012

All songs written and arranged by Jeff Litman,
©2011 Born Enormous Music (BMI).
All Rights Reserved.

Produced by Jeff Litman and Andy Thompson.
Vocal Production by Nathan Rosenberg.
Mixed by Andy Thompson.
Mastered by Ed Brooks at RFI Mastering, Seattle, WA.
Album artwork by Malary Cloke.
Photography by Shervin Lainez.

Recorded at...
Flowers Studio, Minneapolis, MN; May 10-11, 2011,
engineered by Peter Anderson.

Instrument Landing, Minneapolis, MN; May-Oct, 2011,
engineered by Andy Thompson.

Postscript Studios, New York, NY; May-Oct, 2011,
engineered by Jeff Litman.

The Doghouse NYC, Brooklyn, NY; July-Aug, 2011,
engineered by Nathan Rosenberg.

The Library, Minneapolis, MN; Sept, 2011,
engineered by Andy Thompson.

My deepest gratitude goes out to Andy Thompson, Nathan Rosenberg, Sam Teichman, Kelly Gillen, Stephen Litman, Mitzi Litman, Chris Norris, Ellen Carpenter, Chris Mangun, Emily Branham, Marhsall Bolin, Michael Bland, Roger Joseph Manning Jr., all the musicians who have helped flesh these songs out both live and on this record, and all the family, friends, and fans who have shown their support in getting this record out.

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Jeff Litman New York, New York

NYC-based purveyor of melodic rock n' roll.

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